I Am A Fighter Part - 6

This first day of the year 2025, it is 6 months of surgery for squamous carcinoma and 3.5 months since last session of radiation have completed. I can say that I have navigated through a maze of physical vagaries that are part and parcel of surgery and radiation. 

  I would not shy away from accepting that the negativity, uncertainty some times even depression did creep in, but my attitude of "Never say I give up" as these are word of cowardice, made me mentally strong to find my way through the difficult six months. 

    Radiation side effects were more difficult to endure. I yet suffer from it. Neck looking like a plucked chicken and face like Tandoori chicken (minus the color restaurant put 😅). Extreme xerostomia, lingering metallic taste in mouth, transient lingual papilistus, misalignment of jaws caused by fibrosis in cheek muscles (Again these are pectoral muscles are planted in cheek by plastic surgeon Dr. Prabhune) due to radiation, thus unable to chew, are few of them. This made partaking my meals tough. So I started grinding my bread (roti/parantha) to powder, soaking in lentil soup (daal) and using vegetable soup or butter milk to gulp it (lack of saliva due to dead salivary gland on right side and left one gone dormant ). 

I do not know if this is the case with most patients or only me, I became very sensitive to smell and look of food. Due to continuous eggs diet and pulpy rice or polenta (Khichdi) in diet for 4 initial months, I developed aversion to egg, anything with rice so I designed my vegetarian diet around vegetables, lentils, nuts, soups, curd, milk and fruits. Food for me was like putting nutrition in my body because it needed it. Period. Nothing more nothing less. Gulp it. 

When I look back I wonder what happened to the finicky, picky eater that I was. These six months I just concentrated at what Dr. Dhar and Dr. Mansi told me. My aim was high protein, low carb, no sugar diet. I lost almost 8kg weight in first 4months and it stabilized at 46 kg. My energy level never went down. I maintained a disciplined life style. Timely eating, proper walk and excersice, gardening (my plants are like my babies), going to bed on time. Though life was like a clock tick-tick-tick, yet It helped a lot. 

For anyone recuperating from long drawn illness, proper diet, desciplined life style, excersice and Positive thinking is must. 

Believe on yourself, have faith on Almighty above and Gods on the earth that is your Doctors. 

There were times when I prayed to Almighty to free me from this body. Is it wrong? I DO NOT THINK SO. Reason I am free to pray what I want in my private corner in this world. But my  husband's dedication, children's support and my three grand children's unwavering, everlasting, unperishable love and extended families belief in me snapped me out of this negative thinking. The next thing I knew was myself praying for healthy life ahead. 

       After getting all clear from Dr. Dhar in November I was happy yet a bit apprehensive for "What if......"  

Next visit was on January 3rd 2025. Last week of December was the emotionally toughest for me. As apprehension started creeping again. What if relapse has occoured, Oh lord I will have to go through radiation, may be chemotherapy now. 

I prayed, spent last week of year 2024 with my children and grandchildren but my daughter and son-in-law could feel I am dejected and they understood. 

3rd January came with good news I was waiting for while preparing myself for the worst. Dr. Dhar was happy to see my progress. No relapses. I was cancer free. 

My upper jaw last molar started hanging down(chopped off mandible so no lower teeth to support the upper one) hurting my tongue, so dentist visit. It was extracted by Dr. Muddasir Sheikh next day.  

Do not expect life to be the same as before. Adjustment to the physical changes it has brought, is to bring new normalcy.

Adjustment Is Another Name Of Life.

सीता राम सीता राम सीता राम कहिये 

जाही विधि राखे राम ताहि विधि रहिए। 

In these six months I fought many battles, physical and mental. Glitches came (No harm in admitting) but I won.  During these times, I expressed my feling in my poems and getting negativity out of my system. Reading,writing,listening to music and taking care of my potted plants was therapeutic.

My Doctors made me win. My family played their part by giving unwavering support. My friends prayed for me.

Almighty blessed me. 

Hoping for best in future, praying to Almighty for good health. Remaining positive. That is my mantra.

So battle with cancer is won for now. 

I Am A Cancer Survivor.