From Grandmother's Diary Part - 1

Born in verdant surrounding of Almora 70 years ago, she was the little joy of bundle to her parents (In uttarakhand gender disparity doesn't exist to a large extent, birth of girl and boy both are celebrated with happiness and festivities.). She had lost her paternal grandfather before she even entered her mother's whomb and grandmother when she was just three months of age. She was lucky to have maternal grandparents alive till she herself became mother. Her Naana and naani (Maternal grandparents) were very loving and caring.

She was given name which meant moon light (चंद्रमा का प्रकाश). She grew up to a caring and loving child.

Let me tell you few incidents from her childhood.

It started when she was 2-3yrs old. When ever any member of family fell ill, she would sit with a hand held fan or a hand towel and would fan the sick person continuously with a firm belief that fanning by her will blow away the illness. She would stubbornly refuse to budge by the bedside of ill person. This continued till many years. Deep in her heart she was a nurse and when she grew older she was influenced by life and work of Florence Nightingale.

She nursed her grandfather, father, mother,  father in law in their old age and sickness. She was the Florence Nightingale of her family.

Another incident which now I find hilarious is that her brother being elder to her started going to school before her. Convent school's session used to start in January. So on asking when will I go to school (she was desperate to follow her brother) she was told when January comes you will also start going to school. So each day she would wait for "Januar" to accompany her brother or father, or just knock knock knock at the door. It was disappointing for her to see her brother /father coming home without "January" and January was also not coming knocking at her door all by herself. At last the calender changed, January came (for that little child as if out of blue) and she was happiest child on earth. She had done her ABCD's and 1,2,3,4's at home, so straight to standard 1 in St. Maria Goretti convent school.

Cousins marriage that she remembers so well. When she was in 2nd standard, there was an festive occasion of her cousin sister's marriage. She so much wanted to have a gold earing with three red stones just like her mother had. Doting parents got it made for her. On the day of marriage she was flitting around like a butterfly in new frock and most precious thing The Earrings!.

While the ceremony was on the way she realised that one of her ear is without earing. She started crying inconsolablely. Some older girls started teasing her by singing film song

ओ ढ़ूंढ़ो ढ़ूंढ़ो रे साजना ढ़ूंढ़ो रे बालमा मेरे कान का बाला,

मेरा बाला चंदा का जैसा हाला रे,

जामें लालि लालि ललियन कि , हो लालि लालि ललियन कि लटके माला...(ओ my beloved find my earing,

Which is beautiful like moon,

Which has strings of red beads hanging...)

The earing could not be found. She was heartbroken. Next day new ones were ordered. Though she wore new ones for years, the old ones were her first love with special place in heart. She kept the lone survivor of the old pair as memento for a long time.

Even today when she sees something similar to her old earnings, hears that song or similar type song, she can picturise vividly the place where she lost her earing decades ago, while playing during marriage and a her heart flips. O my darling earing!

Do you know dearest children who that little baby girl born in uttarakhand in April 1956 is? Correct! You three are very intelligent. Indeed she is yours and only you three's (Vir, Mihika and Ajay's) grandmother 'Jyotsna (Meaning Moon light /चंद्रमा का प्रकाश)'

She plays with you, she prays with you, she has fun with you, she reprimands you all, she teaches you and also preaches a lot, you know why? Because she cares for you three. Last but not least she loves you three from the core of her heart. ♥️

I will came back to tell more about mischievous, naughty, patriotic, and many sides of myself.

Naani of Vir and Mihika

Daadi of Ajay.

😘😘😘

स्वप्नलोक

स्वप्नलोक 

सागर में पानी खारा है,

अश्रु भी तो खारे हैं, ओम

सागर तट को छोड़ बहे, 

प्रलय आ जाता है, 

नीर का नयनतट छोड़, 

जब अश्रुपात होता है, 

प्रलय भयंकर लाता है। 

         ओह यह क्या? 

         व्योम में जलधर देख, 

         नेत्र क्यों मेरे बदराये, 

         दो जलकण अश्रु बन, 

         क्यों कपोलों पर ठहराए, 

         ना ना नहीं नहीं,

ये अश्रु नहीं मोती हैं, 

         प्रलय के नहीं यह, 

         आन्नद के ध्योतक हैं। 

दौड़ें बादल आकाश में, 

पंछी भी उड़ते पंख फैलाए, 

दोनों स्पर्धा देते इक दूजे को, 

अपने अपने गंतव्य में जा,

दूर क्षितिज में खो जाएं, 

मैं भी खो जाती उन्हें देख, 

पक्षियों से दूर, 

बादलों के पार, 

शून्य में या शून्य के भी पार, 

जहां सजा है, 

इक स्वप्न लोक, 

मेरा अद्भुत स्वप्न लोक। 

ज्योत्सना पंत 

I Miss Thee

I Miss You Thee 

O cool breeze,

From the mighty mountains ,

Lush green and mighty,

Smelling of pine,

Of rice in the fields, 

Flowers of valley, 

Crisp and fresh,

When you touch me, 

Childhood comes alive, 

O do tell me, 

What is  life, 

A dream or reality. 

Lost in the realm of dream, 

Eyes open, 

Daylight streaming, 

Lost in the world of past, 

Smiling at every touch of you, 

O wind my love keep flowing, 

Let me be in my dream world, 

Soaking every dew drop you bring, 

Soaking  the nectar of hill flowers, 

If it is dream let it be, 

Let it be so. 

Do lull me to sleep, 

Let me dwell in, 

World of my past, 

Roaming between pine trees, 

Plucking those juicy berries, 

Bathing in those inviting rivers, 

Praying in the temples on hill top, 

Or in solace where rivers wash, 

The feet of lords abode. 

O breeze my cool breeze,

With every touch of your's,

World feels like heaven,

Oh no! what you say,

You have to go,

To your own snow capped peaks?

Your farewell is heart breaking,

Yet

If it is so, be it so,

But take my humble message,

To my Homeland,

My eyes swell with tears, 

My voice trembles, 

With memories of your's, 

I miss thee,

I miss thee,

My Homeland I miss Thee.

Surviving Cancer

 Long back, almost 25 yrs back I saw the movie 'Finding Nemo'. The words said by Dory a blue tang fish to Nemo 'Keep swimming', and their repetition by Nemo to Marlin like a mantra, kept on resurfacing in my mind during my remission period. What profound effect  these two simple words of a movie watched almost 25 yrs ago had on me mentally is beyond discription and expression. 

These words propelled me through a sea of pain and discomfort, like they propelled Nemo and Marlin against the tide. 

1st July was the anniversary of my surgery. 

Navigating through post surgery was comparatively easier than post radiation. 

What was most challenging is eating. Meal time were most painful. 

The words 'Keep swimming' used to ring in my ears. I used to wonder why? What game my mind is playing with me? But these words surely made me push myself to do what I found difficult, painful, and tiring. 

I used to tell myself "if a tiny little fish can swim in huge expanse of sea full of predators, why can't I navigate myself through this sea of pain, discomfort and apprehensions", (I would be lying if I said I had never doubted myself or not had any apprehensions). 

There are no short cuts towards regaining lost health. It is an ongoing process where a healthy lifestyle is followed diligently. That does not mean forgoing pleasures and enjoyment of life. 

Persue your hobby, go out with family and friends, catchup on all those TV programs you missed, gardening etc. What ever makes you happy do it. Happy mind leads to healthy body. 

Even after cutting the Ts and dotting the I ('s) of healthy life, one is not sure when destiny decides to throw a curved ball on you. Let the curved ball strike, as there is no other option, but to take it on one's stride and deal with it with all might is in our power. Only those who try win, "I cannot do" only cowards and losers say. 

Apart from reading, writing, gardening I even went for a ride on Harley Davidson with my son-in-law. It was my dream to go for a ride on Harley Davidson, my son in law full filled my dream. I was thrilled. God bless him. 

Every visit to doctor Dhar lifted my spirits. No words were sweeter than "All is well. Your progress is on expected line". 

But life is not that easy, one is challenged each day. Disfigurement of face is one gets used to. But what happens after radiation of jaw and neck doesn't make life easy.

It takes lots of patience and will power, so do not give up. Each day is an upward journey, even if it takes one year or more eventually life will be back to normal. OK almost normal 😃. Radiation side effects take time to wear off.

Few things will remain accept them as New Normal.

Loss of weight is inevitable. Due to ulcer on tongue, cheek lips or in short in whole mouth eating becomes difficult so intake of food reduces. 

One can opt for Ryle tube (i did not opt for it even during worst phase of radiation) which can solve the problem to some extent but some weight loss does occur which is basically muscle loss. Trying to take balanced diet is necessary. 

I lost 4 kg after surgery and another 4 kg during and 2kg after radiation. Do not expect that this loss of weight can be recovered in a month or two. It is a long drawn process. Because what one eats (which is basically lesser than the required amount), gets consumed in repair of the wear and tear the body has gone through. What is must is to maintain good energy level by consuming diet comprising of more proteins enough amount of healthy fats, fruits and cereals. 

For vegetarians or vegans plant based protein are the only option, so the diet should be enhanced by taking protein powder in milk or water. Doctors are best person to advice which one. 

Since I am a non-vegetarian I could take eggs. Two eggs a day, broth of pulses and lentils, nuts, dairy products provided enough protein, fats etc. 

Though my taste and smelling power had bounced off to south after radiation, yet I could not take  anything with chicken, mutton or fish. Developed strong aversion towards non vegetarian food. One of the many quirk which happened to me after radiation. It may or may not happen to everyone undergoing or undergone radiation, but if it happens do not be scared it wears off slowly. Many likes dislikes, longing or aversion will keep on appearing and disappearing.

Due to ulcers it was liquid or semisolid diet in initial 5 months . So no chewing done for almost 4-5 months. Relearning how to chew had to be done. 

Radiation caused fibrosis in cheek muscles, so the alignment of Jaws also decided to venture  south, this along with loss of chewing practice for almost 5 months made chewing difficult. 

Radiation of neck and jaw caused the salivary gland to dry up completely so I had no saliva and mastication also stopped taking place. No saliva, no mastication. 

Each morsel was a baby steps taken towards relearning chewing and swallowing with the help of liquid (soup /butter milk), I avoided coffee with food as it inhibits absorption of iron and other minerals. 

Nemo the vibrantly colored small fish kept on nagging me 'Come on you can do it'. The image of Nemo swimming  away from captures  to his father used to make me smile. 

I used to tell myself come on you can chew. Just keep trying. 

My efforts (though sloppy, painful, dribbly) paid me hugely and by April end 7.5 months after radiation I was eating my full meal with almost any vegetable, pulses, lentils, Legumes, curd, chapati and rice. By May month I was able to eat prawns and some chicken. Though yet the revulsion towards nonveg food is persisting. 

Digestion becomes weaker, as due to lack of mastication the initial step of digestion does not take place, also it seems my gut bacteria also went on vacation. My physician Dr. Kshirsagar prescribed some pro - pre biotic and it helped a lot. 

By April I had finished with my visit to Dr. Prabhune, Dr. Mansi and my first quarterly visit to Dr. Dhar. "All clear " these magical words rang like a, swan song in my ear. 

Tagged as most complying patient by Dr. Prabhune and Dr. Dhar was another victory for my resilient self. 

1st July 2025 was the anniversary of my surgery. Now my mouth opens without pain almost 90 % of original opening. I can eat anything I want. The super sensitiveness towards spices has come down to just sensitive. Meaning I eat mildly Spiced food. 

Small things like eating long grained rice, noodles which was not possible earlier (used to get stuck in throat) can be eaten with some effort. 

Pleasure I get in these small things which I had taken for granted earlier,is immense. 

I got a good surgery anniversary gift from Dr. Dhar! I am free of cancer. By God's grace All is well. 

Indeed God is great so are my doctors. 

Some scary moment do keep on occurring. Sudden swelling of right cheek, bad infection of gastroenteritis, teeth becoming sensitive etc.With medical intervention all is taken care of easily. 

Since saliva is yet not there. Little slimy excretion have started from salivary glands. Saliva maintains Ph of mouth to alkaline, but in it's absence mouth tends to become acidic, so oral hygiene, rinsing mouth with saline water is a must. 

Radiation causes gums to receded, exposing tooth root, the structure and properties of enamel and dentin causes tooth decay /exposure of inner part of tooth. So regular visits (at least every six months) is must. My dentist has fixed my problems perfectly. Suggested special tooth paste, saline water rinsing of mouth after meals. 

Nothing would have been possible but for my super supportive family, Great doctors who are amazing human being also, and all loving, caring friends.

My three grandchildren are Becon Of My Life. 

Almighty has been extremely kind to me. 

कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते मा फलेषु नमस्ते ।

मेरी बगिया

 मेरी बगिया 

एक पुष्प से बनी बगिया मेरी,

देखो कितना सुन्दर है,

सूरज की किरणें, 

लें चुंबन जब प्यार से,

तब भाग्य पर इठलाता है। 

जब प्रकृति हैगीत गाती , 

रंग बदलता, पंखुड़ियों को लहरा लहरा, 

मुदित हो नृत्य करता है, 

जब मन्द मन्द पवन उसको दुलराती,

मन मगन हर्ष से आमोद करता है।

वर्षा की बूदें मोतियों का हार बन, 

श्रिंगार जब उसका करती हैं, 

कितना सुन्दर मनमोहक, 

तब यह पुष्प मेरा लगता है। 

यह एक अकेला पुष्प मेरा, 

मेरी बगिया बनाता है, 

बस एक पुष्प सबका मन मोह, 

मेरी बगिया बन जाता है। 

दंभ

एक वृक्ष को जो पतझड़ की शुश्क पत्ते और वसंत ऋतु की हरित क्रांति को साथ साथ लिए, पुराने वस्त्रों को उतार नवीन वस्त्र धारण करने की आतुरता में अपने वक्षस्थल को ताने खड़ा था। तभी एक महानुभाव ने उसे काट कर धराशायी कर दिया। उसे टुकड़ों में कटता देख मन में कुछ भाव आए जो शब्दों में पिरो दिए। 

दंभ

पवन चली वेग से,

परिपक्व पत्ते रंग बदलते, 

खिलखिलाते हैं इठलाते हैं,

कुछ कोमल पंखुड़ियां,

हरित क्रांति का शुभारंभ कर ,

नव वधू सी लाजती हैं।

अपने अल्हड़पन में,

कुछ अहंकार, कुछ दंभ से ,

सूखे पत्ते नव कपोलों से,

खनकती वाणी से बोले,

देखो हम कितना नाचते, 

पवन चलती वेग से जब,

स्वछन्द हो नित नये, 

गीत मधुर सुनाते हैं। 

उतार दो तुम लाज की ओढ़नी 

छोड़ो इतना भी क्या शर्माना। 

पर वह तो कोमल पंखुड़ियां थी, 

लिपट रही डालियों पर, 

जैसे हो कोई बालक, 

छुपता अपने माँ के आंचल में। 

वृक्ष गर्व से सोचता, 

कोमल पंखुड़ियां नहीं जानती, 

यह तो काल चक्र है, 

आज हैं कोमल कल सूख जायेंगी, 

सूखी पत्ती नीचे गिर कर, 

पंच तत्व में विलीन हो जायेंगी, 

मन ही मन में मुस्कुरा, 

स्व अहमन्य हो से बोला, 

मुझको ले कर इनका अस्तित्व है, 

मैं हूँ इनका पालनहार। 

तब ही किसी ने मारा कुल्हाड़ा, 

पीड़ा से विहल हो वृक्ष, 

अश्रु बहाते धराशायी होगया, 

ना जाने किसके अग्नि कुंड में, 

भस्म हो अपना भी अस्तित्व खो गया, 

पंचतत्व में विलीन हो गया ।। 

प्रकृति से सीखो,

दंभ ना करो,

ईश्वर के सिवा सब नश्वर है। 

🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳

ज्योत्सना पंत