मेरी बगिया
एक पुष्प से बनी बगिया मेरी,
देखो कितना सुन्दर है,
सूरज की किरणें,
लें चुंबन जब प्यार से,
तब भाग्य पर इठलाता है।
जब प्रकृति हैगीत गाती ,
रंग बदलता, पंखुड़ियों को लहरा लहरा,
मुदित हो नृत्य करता है,
जब मन्द मन्द पवन उसको दुलराती,
मन मगन हर्ष से आमोद करता है।
वर्षा की बूदें मोतियों का हार बन,
श्रिंगार जब उसका करती हैं,
कितना सुन्दर मनमोहक,
तब यह पुष्प मेरा लगता है।
यह एक अकेला पुष्प मेरा,
मेरी बगिया बनाता है,
बस एक पुष्प सबका मन मोह,
मेरी बगिया बन जाता है।
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पवन चली वेग से,
परिपक्व पत्ते रंग बदलते,
खिलखिलाते हैं इठलाते हैं,
कुछ कोमल पंखुड़ियां,
हरित क्रांति का शुभारंभ कर ,
नव वधू सी लाजती हैं।
अपने अल्हड़पन में,
कुछ अहंकार, कुछ दंभ से ,
सूखे पत्ते नव कपोलों से,
खनकती वाणी से बोले,
देखो हम कितना नाचते,
पवन चलती वेग से जब,
स्वछन्द हो नित नये,
गीत मधुर सुनाते हैं।
उतार दो तुम लाज की ओढ़नी
छोड़ो इतना भी क्या शर्माना।
पर वह तो कोमल पंखुड़ियां थी,
लिपट रही डालियों पर,
जैसे हो कोई बालक,
छुपता अपने माँ के आंचल में।
वृक्ष गर्व से सोचता,
कोमल पंखुड़ियां नहीं जानती,
यह तो काल चक्र है,
आज हैं कोमल कल सूख जायेंगी,
सूखी पत्ती नीचे गिर कर,
पंच तत्व में विलीन हो जायेंगी,
मन ही मन में मुस्कुरा,
स्व अहमन्य हो से बोला,
मुझको ले कर इनका अस्तित्व है,
मैं हूँ इनका पालनहार।
तब ही किसी ने मारा कुल्हाड़ा,
पीड़ा से विहल हो वृक्ष,
अश्रु बहाते धराशायी होगया,
ना जाने किसके अग्नि कुंड में,
भस्म हो अपना भी अस्तित्व खो गया,
पंचतत्व में विलीन हो गया ।।
प्रकृति से सीखो,
दंभ ना करो,
ईश्वर के सिवा सब नश्वर है।
मुक्ति
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नारायण ने की भक्ति स्वीकार,
दिया आशिर्वाद सदा स्वस्थ रहो।
मैं भोली पूछ बैठी,
फिर क्यूँ मैं अस्वस्थ ?
नारायण बोले,
क्यूं है तू अनभिज्ञ इस सत्य से,
तेरा यह शरीर है, नहीं तू अस्वस्थ।
इस आवरण को जान,
स्वयं को पहचान,
कर आत्म समर्पण,
होगा तेरा कल्याण।
पीड़ा अब असह्य हो गई,
हे नारायण कब होगा,
इस देह से निदान,
अपने चरणों की धूल दे,
मुझे कृतार्थ कर दे,
शरण में मुझे अब,
हे नाथ ले ले।
किए हैं पाप अनभिज्ञता में,
अबोध जान क्षमा तू करदे,
दो कर जोड़ स्तुति मैं करती,
शरण में तू ले ले,
शरण में तू ले ले।।
If traversing through a maze,
Of physical pain.
And mentally agony,
Even though in emotional haze,
Is surviving,
Then
Yes I have survived.
If swinging like a pendulum,
Left to right, right to left,
In a sway of physical vagaries,
Is surviving,
Then,
Yes I have survived.
If living life for months,
Like a see-saw,
Up and down
Down and up,
Is surviving,
Then,
Yes I have survived.
Face and neck stitched like a baseball,
Inner and outer skin,
like a roasted chicken,
Knowing not the diff'ce,
Between eating and gulping,
Uttering a word
Oh! What a painful task,
Yet living to see a healthy future,
Is surviving,
Then
Yes I have survived.
Pollyanaism, Faith,
Resilience and determination,
Mantras of life I learnt,
Shooed away the negativity,
Steered me onto right path,
Pulled me out of whirlpool,
Which is cancer,
And I survived.
Yes I am a survivor,
A cancer survivor. 😊
Jyotsna Pant
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This first day of the year 2025, it is 6 months of surgery for squamous carcinoma and 3.5 months since last session of radiation have completed. I can say that I have navigated through a maze of physical vagaries that are part and parcel of surgery and radiation.
I would not shy away from accepting that the negativity, uncertainty some times even depression did creep in, but my attitude of "Never say I give up" as these are word of cowardice, made me mentally strong to find my way through the difficult six months.
Radiation side effects were more difficult to endure. I yet suffer from it. Neck looking like a plucked chicken and face like Tandoori chicken (minus the color restaurant put 😅). Extreme xerostomia, lingering metallic taste in mouth, transient lingual papilistus, misalignment of jaws caused by fibrosis in cheek muscles (Again these are pectoral muscles are planted in cheek by plastic surgeon Dr. Prabhune) due to radiation, thus unable to chew, are few of them. This made partaking my meals tough. So I started grinding my bread (roti/parantha) to powder, soaking in lentil soup (daal) and using vegetable soup or butter milk to gulp it (lack of saliva due to dead salivary gland on right side and left one gone dormant ).
I do not know if this is the case with most patients or only me, I became very sensitive to smell and look of food. Due to continuous eggs diet and pulpy rice or polenta (Khichdi) in diet for 4 initial months, I developed aversion to egg, anything with rice so I designed my vegetarian diet around vegetables, lentils, nuts, soups, curd, milk and fruits. Food for me was like putting nutrition in my body because it needed it. Period. Nothing more nothing less. Gulp it.
When I look back I wonder what happened to the finicky, picky eater that I was. These six months I just concentrated at what Dr. Dhar and Dr. Mansi told me. My aim was high protein, low carb, no sugar diet. I lost almost 8kg weight in first 4months and it stabilized at 46 kg. My energy level never went down. I maintained a disciplined life style. Timely eating, proper walk and excersice, gardening (my plants are like my babies), going to bed on time. Though life was like a clock tick-tick-tick, yet It helped a lot.
For anyone recuperating from long drawn illness, proper diet, desciplined life style, excersice and Positive thinking is must.
Believe on yourself, have faith on Almighty above and Gods on the earth that is your Doctors.
There were times when I prayed to Almighty to free me from this body. Is it wrong? I DO NOT THINK SO. Reason I am free to pray what I want in my private corner in this world. But my husband's dedication, children's support and my three grand children's unwavering, everlasting, unperishable love and extended families belief in me snapped me out of this negative thinking. The next thing I knew was myself praying for healthy life ahead.
After getting all clear from Dr. Dhar in November I was happy yet a bit apprehensive for "What if......"
Next visit was on January 3rd 2025. Last week of December was the emotionally toughest for me. As apprehension started creeping again. What if relapse has occoured, Oh lord I will have to go through radiation, may be chemotherapy now.
I prayed, spent last week of year 2024 with my children and grandchildren but my daughter and son-in-law could feel I am dejected and they understood.
3rd January came with good news I was waiting for while preparing myself for the worst. Dr. Dhar was happy to see my progress. No relapses. I was cancer free.
My upper jaw last molar started hanging down(chopped off mandible so no lower teeth to support the upper one) hurting my tongue, so dentist visit. It was extracted by Dr. Muddasir Sheikh next day.
Do not expect life to be the same as before. Adjustment to the physical changes it has brought, is to bring new normalcy.
Adjustment Is Another Name Of Life.
सीता राम सीता राम सीता राम कहिये
जाही विधि राखे राम ताहि विधि रहिए।
In these six months I fought many battles, physical and mental. Glitches came (No harm in admitting) but I won. During these times, I expressed my feling in my poems and getting negativity out of my system. Reading,writing,listening to music and taking care of my potted plants was therapeutic.
My Doctors made me win. My family played their part by giving unwavering support. My friends prayed for me.
Almighty blessed me.
Hoping for best in future, praying to Almighty for good health. Remaining positive. That is my mantra.
So battle with cancer is won for now.
I Am A Cancer Survivor.
तन्हा
आज अपना ही साया,
कुछ अजनबी सा लग रहा है,
अपना ही साथ भीड़ सा लग रहा है,
यूँ तन्हा बैठी हूं अपने ही आगोश में,
ये अपने ही हाथों का हार,
फांसी का फंदा लग रहा है,
ना जाने किस अंधकार से घिर गई हूँ,
मैं अपने आप में सिमट गई हूं।
सब हैं मेरे साथ हंस बोलने को,
पर चेहरे सबके धूमिल हो गए हैं,
इस सुलगती आग के धुएँ में ,
इस पसरते अंधकार में ,
ना जाने कहाँ मैं खो गयी हूँ
मैं अपने आप में सिमट गई हूं ।
ओ सूरज तेरी रोशनी आज क्या मद्धम पड़ गयी,
या खेलता है मुझसे तू आंख मिचौली,
क्यूँ कर ना आसमा थोड़े आंसूं बहा दे,
या ये ठंडी बयार मुझे भी छू ले,
सुकून मिले इस दहकते मन को,
नहीं तो सुलगते तन और मन के,
धुएँ के इस घने अंधकार में लिपट,
तन्हा अपने ही आगोश में,
चिरंतर के लिए सिमट ही ना जाऊं,
कहीं अनंत में, मैं खो ही न जाऊँ।
🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹
ज्योत्सना पन्त
Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always try just one more time
Thomas A Edison
I was, elated twhen my Ryle tube was finally removed. The stitches inside mouth were intact. I was asked to go on soft diet. Egg half fry, chapati soaked in daal, vegetable soup with soft boiled vegetables, coconut water, milk shake, all seemed like a big treat to me.
I was warned and counseled by Doctor Dhar and Dr. Prabhune that surgery was the easier part of treatment, radiation is no piece of cake, be prepared for the vagaries of radiation.
Dr. Mansi Munshi Girme Radiation Oncologist and Cancer genetic specialist an amazing doctor, with calm disposition, firm but kind human being was my doctor for radiology therapy. She explained what to expect. 31 st July 2024 started my radiation sessions.
I had been told that in last few weeks getting Ryle tube would be better idea, but I had promised myself I will eat my food by mouth. Dr. Mansi kept on telling me grind the food abd eat, you are determined so I know you can do it, you can do without Ryle tube. She was great source of inspiration to me.
I knew after two weeks of radiation when mucositis (blisters) start appearing then things will get tough so "Make hay when sun shines". I went to a, day trip to Khadakwasla with my husband, son, DIL and grandson. Reviving golden memories in IAT, eating my food while enjoying the scenic beauty of lake. Family enjoyed their lunch. I had great time running around (giving scare to my family) with my grandson. We made memories to cherish and enjoy during tough days I was to face.
5th session got canceled due to technical reason. Took this opportunity and went for a long drive to Mahsoba temple (almost 15km from our residence).
The tickling sensation in tongue specially on right side (surgery side) started after 7th session and on 15th August on our Independence day my blisters thought of liberating themselves with vengeance and the underside of my right side tongue right inner cheek became full of painful mucositis. Saying they hurt will be understatement. I had to eat my food by grinding it to paste with very little salt. Egg half boil not a spec of solid I could tolerate, it was excruciatingly painful. That was starting.
The mouth wash, spray, lotions were prescribed to keep my blisters free of fungal infection and for numbing my mouth so that I can take my meals. Thank you Dr. Mansi for having faith on my resolution and helping me out to keep it.
As the time passed with each session of radiation new blisters, extreme heat enamating in mouth (which meant more inflamation), Mettalic taste and saliva becoming like thick mucous kept on increasing.
My son could not see me suffering and would tell me get Ryle tube ma, so did the resident doctor, because they feared I may not eat due to pain and in turn lose weight. Weight loss is detrimental for radiation.
But I refused, remodeled my diet to high protein (as per doctor high protein diet is required for recovery). Eggs, nut-oats-fox nut powder for milk shake, Khichdi with mix of pulses, rice and broken wheat (after, all carbs are also required) and butter milk.
It was not certainly Piece of Cake, things were not easy, sleepless nights due to dryness in throat, heat in mouth, pain and hurting mucositis. I used to tell myself in night I am taking a break from radiation, then in morning I used to ask myself "you got defeated huh" and this used to get over my dread of eating (rather drinking) my meals, and I used to get ready for my radiation session.
30 sessions done and I was told your radiation finished, but only to be told no three booster doses are also due. I must accept that I first refused, emphatically saying No. But just few minutes later asked OK when do I come. For me it was like " Q Sera sera what will be will be " . And finished my 33 sessions of radiation without a break. Without Ryle tube getting put for feeding.
It takes great determination and resilience, but what determination and resilience would do without family support. Whenever my morale would be down my I would get message from my daughter, daughter in law, son in law encouraging me reminding me of my inner strength. My husband and son(who stayed with us till my radiation finished his wife and son in Chicago) would not show sympathy but would tell me " You are strong, it is matter of time and you will come out winner ". In particular I would like to share some messages by my Son in law
"I know the struggles, pain and challenges that you have gone through. The surgery marks and the face integrity is very much there. Superb fighting spirit and strength from you - Truly inspirational and very few people I know that are capable of it. I couldn't have been 10% of what you've been able to manage. Stellar! Exceptional! Keep going strong and we'll all be through this soon. Many hugs and wishes for you."
" Yes of course... Each swallow and tongue or mouth movement must be full of pain. Plus the thought of much more radiation and further inflammation... Just try to block the thinking of the future and just survive the today. One step at a time...
Once you're through, I'm buying you the best purse or holiday that you have always wanted. Just few more weeks of fighting on...
I'm bribing you to stay positive."
From my DAUGHTER'S MIL
" A Fighter spirit indeed!
An inspiration for all.
Lots of good wishes for tomorrow's radiation session. This too shall pass. Praying for your speedy recovery. 🙌🙌🙌🤗🤗🤗"
Mouth blisters are major side effects of radiation but skin getting blacked, blisters and ulcers developing on neck are also side effect of radiation. Applying Aleo vera gel, no soap, no scrubbing is the only solution to it.
Outer blisters and burnt skin takes two or three weeks maximum, provided due care should be taken and doctors order are followed to T.
I have blisters on the tongue so while talking tongue hits teeth and blisters get hurt causing immense pain. So I communicate by writting, remaining in silent mode. No cribbing wife so hubby should have some reason to be happy in these difficult days🤣.
My radiation therapy finished on 17th September, as per doctor it may take another month from today (7th October). Things are looking up. Most mucositis gone except above the tongue and near throat.
Mucositis takes almost two months to get cured.
Dr. Mansi your words "You are healing better than many patients half your age" gave me courage to deal what next few weeks bring on my way.
Thank you Dr. Mansi, my family and friends for encouraging me, supporting me and having faith on my strength and determination.
One message from my SIL
"..... I think you outdid all of our expectations with your immense bravery, strength and positivity. Superb. Bravo. Take a bow!!!"
Saurabh you my husband and all my children, have such unflinching faith on me, I thank God and you all for that.
I am a fighter. Only a small battle has been won. When tests are done and I am declared cancer free a war will be won. With Almighty blessings hope to keep on winning these wars every year.
